Future Fighting Sioux goalie Gothberg invited to NHL Scouting Combine

Future Fighting Sioux and Fargo Force goalie Zane Gothberg has been invited to the NHL scouting combine. That is a nice honor for the future Sioux player. I am excited about UND getting an elite goaltender that have so desperately need.

[Fargo Force Blog] --- Future Force goalie Gothberg invited to NHL Scouting Combine The top 100 players available for the 2010 Entry Draft will meet in Toronto at the end of May for the annual NHL Scouting Combine.

To be recognized as a top 100 player available for the 2010 NHL Entry Draft is an impressive feat. Future Fargo Force goaltender, 1st round pick for the Force in 2009, Zane Gothberg has been invited to the NHL Scouting Combine. The Thief River Falls netminder was 16-7-1, boasted a .922 save percentage, 1.83 goals against average and three shutouts in his final year with the Prowlers. Zane Gothberg is a University of North Dakota recruit.

Senators sign Wiercioch to entry-level contract

The mass exodus at Denver University continues as they lose another underclassman to the NHL. Wiercioch is an elite player and I don't think this signing surprises anyone. First round draft choices don't stay in school for four seasons very often, unless they want to test the free agency market. The big question mark for Denver University is whether Marc Cheverie is going to sign a professional contract with the Florida Panthers or not?

OTTAWA - Ottawa Senators general manager Bryan Murray announced today that the club has signed defenceman Patrick Wiercioch to a three-year entry-level contract.

Wiercioch, 19, was the Senators’ second-round pick (42nd overall) in the 2008 NHL Entry Draft. A native of Burnaby, B.C., he concluded his second season at the Western Collegiate Athletic Conference’s University of Denver on March 26 when the Pioneers fell to the Rochester Institute of Technology in the National Collegiate Athletic Association East Regional semifinals. In 39 games with Denver this season, the 6-4, 190-pound Wiercioch scored six goals and 21 assists while adding 34 penalty minutes.

In his rookie season at Denver, Wiercioch scored 12 goals and added 23 assists for 35 points in 36 games. For his efforts he was named to the all-WCHA second team and all-WCHA rookie team. His 12 goals led all NCAA rookie defencemen and ranked third among all NCAA defencemen.

Prior to his arrival in Denver, Wiercioch played one season for the Omaha Lancers of the United States Hockey League, where he scored three goals and 18 assists in 40 games. In the 2006-07 season he scored nine goals and added 16 assists for the Burnaby Express of the British Columbia Hockey League, where he was recognized as the league’s rookie of the year.

Ryan Kesler hit on Derek Morris

This hit into the boards gets you a five minute major and a game misconduct [Box Score]. I don't have a problem with that call. When you first watch the hit it looks like legit and legal hit but after viewing the video a few times it worthy of a penalty.

Composite Schedule

Yager posted the composite WCHA schedule for next season over on USCHO.COM. The Schedule is starting to fill in for the 2010 - 2011 season.

NDSU doesn't want to play UND every year in football

This argument makes no sense at all. The UND NDSU match up would bring way more people to the games than a game with Montana, Montana State, or Georgia Sourthern. I have to wonder if this petty bickering  has something to do with UND not wanting to schedule NDSU when they moved up to division one? This should be a slamb dunk without much thought. Remember you can't have sucks without NDSU...

The North Dakota Board of Higher Education normally doesn’t get involved in athletic matters like scheduling, either.

Taylor insists on the every-other-year format because NDSU’s nine-team Missouri Valley Football Conference gives the Bison four home and four away league games. As for the three non-conference games, NDSU annually schedules one road guarantee game leaving two open dates. The school would prefer those to be at home as much as possible.

“We put something on the table that works for us,” Taylor said. “Is it the perfect scenario for them? No, but it gets the game going. For them to draw that line of having it every year, then they have my answer.”

Plus, Taylor said, scheduling UND every year would eliminate games against the likes of Montana, Montana State and Georgia Southern. Division I Football Championship Subdivision programs are allowed to schedule 11 games most years.

“Based on the way we’re scheduled in football, I can’t get there,” Taylor said of a yearly game. “He has different challenges where he can. He’s more flexible.”

UND plays in the five-team Great West Conference, which leaves seven potential non-conference dates. [Fargo Fish Wrapper]

Redwing77's Frozen Four Breakdown and Prediction (HA!)

Ok, I posted something similar on Siouxsports.com, but I'm going to reiterate it here. I'm going to break down the four remaining teams and give my predictions for each.

University of Wisconsin Badgers

This team is the best overall team coming into Detroit. They have solid defense and an offense that can skate with the best of them. They're lead by Hobey Hat Trick-er Blake Geoffrion. They also have a defensive genius in the coaching ranks in Mike Eaves. Yes, I say genius despite the fact that for years his style of hockey was "put em to sleep then score... THEY'LL NEVER KNOW WHAT HIT'EM!" They face RIT (a team I'll break down next) and will skate easier than the other predicted winner into the National Championship game.

Rochester Institute of Technology Tigers

Well, as Brad Schlossman beat me to it, I'll credit him with it. RIT is DEFINITELY this year's Bemidji State University. They've had a tough road and brought the show to Detroit. I must say that I'm impressed with them. They are the most dangerous team in the Frozen Four. WHY? Not because they've got firepower up front. No, their D and goaltending isn't anywhere near that of Miami or UW's. Because THEY HAVE NO EXPECTATIONS ON THEM. They can go out on the ice and just play and have fun. Of course they're going to try to win. A brainless retard would argue otherwise. But they have not weight of tradition in DI excellence like BC and UW. They have no weight of "this year for sure" like Miami. They've proved that they can compete. They proved they're relevant for a weaker conference team. I thought this would be Air Force, but that's not turned out. They can go out against Wisconsin and get destroyed 115-0 and it won't matter. They've done nearly as much as anyone dreamed. If they win it all...wow.... watch for a lot of crowing from the AHA fanbase of roughly....100 people East of Colorado Springs.

Miami University of Ohio

They come into Detroit having the best goaltender in the Frozen Four...and the second best goaltender in the Frozen Four. They are just as cohesive a team as Wisconsin and have a pretty darn good defense to match. The problem is, they give up a TON of quality scoring chances. This is the team that let a slumping UND team score 5 on them. Michigan had chance after chance after chance after chance in their regional final. Knapp bailed them out once... I don't think he can bail them out a second time. That being said, this is 1 or 1a in terms of the strength of the Frozen Four field as a whole (Wisconsin the other 1). Oh, did I mention that they're coached by the best coach in the CCHA? Or maybe one of the top 5 coaches in DI hockey in Enrico Blasi? OH! And let's not forget they're on a mission. This is a driven team. VERY dangerous.

Boston College

They get the award for "Can you Believe it, mom? I'm here!" as they played what was probably the worst regional final in the last 10 years against YALE and STILL won. Muse looked like an incredible sieve. I still can't believe BC is a 1 seed. Discounting the scores, they had the easiest path thanks to UND's loss, to the Frozen Four. They're main advantage? The media. Their biggest disadvantage? If the media could've chosen, their matchup with Miami would have been for the NC.

The predictions

If I understand it right, the semis feature RIT vs. UW and BC vs. Miami.

I can't see RIT winning. I think the RIT vs UW game will be a better game overall. UW wins 4-2.

I can't see BC sticking around for more than 30 minutes. Miami wins 6-2.

The final then puts Miami vs. UW. A lot of Red and White on the ice. I actually think this would be a great matchup. Defense is great. Offense pretty darn good too. However, I have to say Miami would be favored in net. This will be a game of conversion on mistakes and special teams.

UW ekes it out 3-2.

There ya go folks.

UNO Mavericks extend Blais' contract for two years

For all of those people that think Dean Blais is going to ride into Minneapolis on a white horse and lead Minnesota to the Promised Land think again. Today the University of Omaha Nebraska just locked him up till the 2014-2015 season. That doesn't look like a coach that is looking to go some where else. [Audio of Trev on 1620 AM the Zone ]

We are thrilled by the progress the team made under Dean's leadership in his first season as head coach," said Alberts. "By extending his contract, we hope to bring further stability to the position and give Dean and his staff a better opportunity to put their mark on the program through recruiting and player development."

Blais led the Mavericks to a 20-16-6 record in 2009-10 including a record of 13-12-3-2 in the Central Collegiate Hockey Association, good for a sixth-place finish. It was the fourth 20-win season in UNO history and the first since the 2005-06 season. The Mavericks won the opening round of the CCHA playoffs with a 2-0 series win over Bowling Green before losing to Ferris State, 2-0, in the second-round series. Eleven UNO players had career years in 2009-10.

"The university is clearly committed to the success of the hockey program, and I am committed to the job we began here last season," said Blais. "My wife and I have come to enjoy Omaha and with this extension, I anticipate being able to finish my head coaching career here at UNO."

Blais is just the second head coach in UNO hockey history, following Mike Kemp who started the program in 1996 and became an associate athletic director at UNO in 2009. Blais is a two-time winner of the Spencer Penrose Memorial Award given to the top coach in Division I men's college hockey. The native of International Falls, Minn. guided the University of North Dakota to national championships in 1997 and 2000 and Western Collegiate Hockey Association championships in 1997, 1998, 1999, 2001 and 2004. He was named the WCHA Coach of the Year in 1997, 1999 and 2001.

In January of 2010, Blais guided the U.S. National Junior Team to a Gold Medal in the 2010 IIHF World Junior Championship, just the second gold medal ever earned by the U.S. squad. During the 2008-09 season, Blais was named 2009 United States Hockey League Coach of the Year after guiding the expansion Fargo Force to the Clark Cup Finals, emblematic of playoff supremacy in the USHL.

Blais worked in the National Hockey League as an assistant coach and Director of Player Development for the Columbus Blue Jackets from 2005-07.

Also today, UNO Chancellor John Christensen announced that Alberts has agreed in principle to a contract extension through the 2014-2015 academic year. Alberts was named to the position on April 29, 2009, succeeding David Miller. In addition to hiring Blais, Alberts is responsible for the move by the hockey team from the CCHA to the WCHA beginning with the 2010-2011 season.

"Trev has done an outstanding job in his relatively short time leading the athletic department," said Dr. Christensen. "He has defined a clear vision for UNO athletics and has worked proactively to achieve that goal.

"By extending his contract to run concurrently with Dean's, we have brought stability to the department and put both men in position to continue to build our hockey program." [Mav Puck] [Omaha.com]

The Pipeline Show - Brock Nelson and Vandy

The Pipeline Show 1260 AM Edmonton with Dean Millard and Guy Flaming is a first class hockey show that hits on many issues surrounding the NHL as well as college and junior hockey.

Listen to what Brock Nelson had to say about his future and when we might see him in a Fighting Sioux hockey jersey.  [Click to listen]

Listen to Chris VandeVelde and his plans for the Future. Also Cornell Big Red Forward and Oiler's first round draft choice Riley Nash discusses his future with the Oilers. [Click to listen]

The Bruins ink two 1st rounders...

The Denver Pioneers have lost Joe Colborne to the Boston Bruins. I don't think anyone is shocked by the decision. It will be interesting to see if Colborne can make the Bruins out of training camp like former Gopher Blake Wheeler did? Here is what Naoko Funayama had of NESN had on her twitter today...

Couple of 1st rounders are signed by the Bruins to entry-level contracts: Joe Colborne (2008, 16th overall) and Jordan Caron (2009, 25th) [NaokoFunayama]

Links to the Story

Bruins Blog; Four prospects in the fold...

Boston Herald; Joe Colborne inks 3-year deal

Denver Post; DU’s Colborne reportedly signs with Bruins

Sophomore forward Joe Colborne has reportedly signed with the Boston Bruins, forgoing his final two years of eligibility at DU. Great kid, great talent, but c’mon, he never really deserved to advance this fast.

Big Joe, the Bruins’ first-round draft pick in 2008 (16th overall), is a very affable young man, and a proven NCAA sniper (team-high 22 goals this season). Problem is, he never learned how to play the tough game that is college hockey. He was fast-tracked, almost cheated, like giving a smart student straight A’s just because he’s smart. Apparently the 6-foot-5, 210-pound Colborne, his family and the B’s think he will become tough in the AHL or turn Gretzky-like in the NHL, and he won’t need to bang. I hope so. But there’s only one Gretzky, and I was hoping to watch the toughness come out next season at DU.

Flyers' hack Carcillo suspended 2 games

Flyers' hack Daniel Carcillo and tough guy want a be has been given a two game suspension by the NHL for his attempted decapitation of Devils tough guy David Clarkson. At first I thought this suspension might have been handed out based on the players past reputation and prior acts (the guy is a hack and a gutless puke) but in looking at the video I don't have a problem with the two game suspension, I think the suspension is just about right, even though the Flyers' GM Paul Holmgren is disappointed and thinks the suspension is not warranted; Of course he does.

If Carcillo really wanted to fight David Clarkson, why did he come high with his stick with his gloves still on? Look at the video again Carcillo is a gutless puke that doesn’t fight the leagues tough guys very often and he didn't want to fight Clarkson either.

The NHL has suspended Flyers forward Daniel Carcillo for two games for a hit on the New Jersey Devils' David Clarkson on Sunday.

At 15:14 of the third period of Sunday's game, Carcillo and Clarkson came together, and during some pushing and shoving, Carcillo high-sticked Clarkson in the face, opening a cut.

Carcillo was assessed a match penalty, which brought automatic League review.

"I am disappointed in this decision by the League office," said Flyers General Manager Paul Holmgren. "This was clearly an accidental high stick and I do not believe a match penalty (for intent to injure) was the call that was warranted."

Carcillo is fourth in the NHL with 196 penalty minutes, but he also has 11 goals and 20 points in 72 games and has played a large portion of the season on the Flyers' top line, with Mike Richards and Simon Gagne. He also leads the team with 181 hits.

Carcillo will miss games Thursday against the Islanders and Saturday against the Canadiens. This is his second suspension of the season, following [NHL.COM]

Weekly Meaningless Polls?

I know it's a little late and I don't see what the point is having a power ranking or a poll after the season is over and there are only four teams left but it does give us something to talk about for the next two weeks.

As always I include the INCH power rankings.

1. Miami
2. Wisconsin
3. Boston College
4. Denver
5. St. Cloud State
6. Yale
7. North Dakota 2 The Sioux lose two key seniors in forwards Chris VandeVelde and Darcy Zajac, but if defenseman Chay Genoway comes back after missing most of the past season due to injury, NoDak should start next season among the top five in the preseason polls.
25-13-5 LAST WEEK: L vs. Yale, 3-2 (NCAA Northeast Regional).
8. Cornell
9. RIT
10. Michigan
11. Northern Michigan
12. Union
13. New Hampshire
14. Bemidji State
15. Ferris State
16. Minnesota Duluth
17. Michigan State
18. Alaska
19. Vermont
20. Maine

Dropped out: None

Bubble-licious: None
-------------------------
USA Today/USA Hockey Magazine Poll
[March 29, 2010]
1. Miami
2. Wisconsin
3. Boston College
4. St. Cloud State
5. Denver
6. Yale
7. North Dakota
8. Michigan
9. RIT
10. Cornell
11. New Hampshire
12. Bemidji State
13. Northern Michigan
14. Ferris State
15. Alaska

DU’s Cheverie likely to sign with Panthers

It wouldn't surprise me one bit if Marc Cheverie left DU after the season he had this past season. At the current time Cheverie’s stock couldn't be higher and after his performance this season I would bet willing to bet that Florida doesn't want to risk losing him.

From what I’m hearing, DU has a better chance of losing junior goalie Marc Cheverie than sophomores Joe Colborne and Patrick Wiercioch. In fact, I’ve heard Cheverie will definitely forgo his final year of collegiate eligibility and sign with the Florida Panthers.

Colborne (drafted 16th overall by Boston in 2008) and Wiercioch (42nd by Ottawa in 2008) might not be physically ready for the challenges of the NHL, but Chevy is, and Florida – which drafted him in the seventh round in 2006 – must sign him now or risk losing him to free agency.

That means another 6-foot-3 goalie that prefers No. 1 on his sweater will succeed Chevy, or at least try to succeed Chevy in a platoon system with sophomore-to-be Adam Murray. In coach George Gwozdecky’s 16-year tenure at DU, Murray was the first 18-year-old goalie to join the program as a freshman. Sam Brittian will be the second. [Denver Post hockey blog]

Former Yale forward Sean Backman signed by Stars

Sean Backman has signed a professional contract with the Dallas Stars.

DALLAS—The Dallas Stars have signed former Yale forward Sean Backman to a one-year contract.

The 23-year-old Backman was a three-time all-Ivy League choice at Yale, where he was second on the team and 13th nationally with 21 goals last season. He scored 126 points in 122 games during his four-year Yale career.

Backman led Yale in scoring his first two seasons. He played with the Green Bay Gamblers of the United States Hockey League before playing for Yale. [Boston Globe]

Dean Arsene vs Erik Johnson

The hit that started the fight was Erik Johnson's hit on former Golden Gopher teammate Ryan Potulny. Nice elbow to the face. It's my opinion that Erik Johnson is one of the softest 6'4" 236 pound hockey players in the NHL. I am not sure we can call this anything but a hug feast. This was the third fight that Johnson has been in this season and all of them are about as bad as this one. I would suggest taking some lessons in the off season.

Bobby Butler goal against Cornell...

Check out this blast by Bobby Butler, and then the WCHA officials (buffoonery in action) spent an inordinate amount of time reviewing an obvious goal. The refs seem to be the only ones in the arena that didn’t know it was in. Bobby Bulter also just signed with the Senators and will be a teammate of former Fighting Sioux defenseman Brian Lee.

Butler, 6-0 and 185 pounds, had 53 points in 39 games, including a National Collegiate Athletic Association Division 1-high 29 goals, this season.

A native of Marlborough, Mass., he was named Hockey East Player of the Year, and is a Top 10 finalist for the Hobey Baker Award as NCAA player of the year.

Lewis Mongelluzzo, the team’s NCAA recruiting co-ordinator, had been watching Butler. In turn, he was watched by the rest of the team’s braintrust.

"When I saw him play in the NCAA playoffs, he was a very good college player,” said Murray. “He’ll need some time, but he’s very definitely a guy that has the potential to be a goal scorer in the NHL.

Johnny Boychuk's elbow on Rene Bourque

This was the hit that facilitated some discussion after the Bruins and Flames game this past weekend. Bruins defenseman Johnny Boychuck laid a vicious elbow on former Wisconsin Badger Rene Bourque, Boychuck was given a five minute major penalty and a game misconduct but he was not suspended by the NHL for his hit, there were some that thought he should have been. What do you think?

No deal cut to move Coyotes to Winnipeg

The more this story stays on the fore front and does not go away, the more I think there is a chance that Winnipeg could be a destination for the Phoenix Coyotes.

WINNIPEG — No deal has been cut to move the Phoenix Coyotes to Winnipeg, even as a back-up plan, but the NHL has the Manitoba capital on its radar.

A Monday story by the Phoenix Business Journal reported that the NHL had a deal in principle with Canadian billionaire David Thomson and True North Sports and Entertainment, which operates the AHL’s Manitoba Moose and the MTS Centre, to be a "Plan C" for a Coyotes relocation in case current negotiations with Ice Edge Holdings and Jerry Reinsdorf don’t result in a sale of the money-losing franchise.

There is no such Coyotes-to-Winnipeg deal, NHL deputy commissioner Bill Daly said, but the league continues to have dialogue with True North.

"In response to the many inquiries we have received in light of the story in the Phoenix Business Journal this morning, we would like to make clear that at this point in time the National Hockey League has no ‘deal’ in place to move the Coyotes’ franchise to Winnipeg -- or to any other city for that matter -- in the event a transaction cannot be timely consummated in Glendale," Dal wrote in an email response to questions. "Our focus continues to be on completing a transaction with local ownership that is committed to operating the team in Glendale.

The hit that injured Joe Thornton.

This was the hit that injured Joe Thornton. No penalty on the call and rightfully so, it's not a hit from behind, it's not a boarding and there is no intent to injure in my opinion.

Reflecting on the season and looking ahead.

With most of us still feeling the sting of yesterday’s loss I have started to reflect on this past season. There were a lot of up and downs this past season. The biggest downer was the loss our senior captain Chay Genoway to a dirty hit. There was the off season suspension of junior Matt Frattin and his subsequent reinstatement of the Fighting Sioux hockey team at the Christmas vacation break. The unimpressive 5-7-2 record through December and January. The sweep at home to the hands of the Denver Pioneers. That was a very bitter pill to for all of us to swallow, but it also woke up the Fighting Sioux team. That went 12-1 down the stretch (12-2 the last 14 games) to make the NCAA tourney. The UND Fighting Sioux went from 6th place to finishing with one point out of third place.

Season in Retrospect

As with end of every Fighting Sioux the season, there will be some fans that want to question the coaching methodologies of Fighting Sioux head hockey coach Dave Hakstol, most of us will try to put things into perspective, try this on for size, the Fighting Sioux coaching staff took a team of 13 sophomores and freshman and won the Broadmoor Trophy from the Thursday game of the final five.

Most of the teams playing in the Final Five had rosters loaded with juniors and seniors (Wisconsin 6 seniors and 8 juniors – Denver 6 Seniors and 10 juniors – SCSU 5 seniors and 9 juniors). UND had 6 juniors and 3 seniors, one senior Chay Genoway played in 9 games this year before his season was cut short by injury. I am not real good at math but that tells me the Fighting Sioux although young have better days ahead of them. DU, Wisconsin and SCSU are loosing some elite players this off season.

I was always told by Gophers fans that one method of measuring success for a season was if your team won a league playoff title. Well there you go... Some will say that I am trying to spread sunshine on a disaster. So be it, there is a lot to be thankful for and a lot to look forward to next season.

Think about this final thought, the UND Fighting Sioux lost an all American and potential Hobey Baker Memorial Award canidate, maybe final three in Chay Genoway from their line up and still won 25 games, I don't know about you but that is a pretty good coaching job in my opinion. Lastly, I will also miss the two seniors that have played their last game of their Fighting Sioux careers.

Some people need to get a life! (by LGM)

Hello people! It's been a while since you've been subject to my words of wisdom, sometimes otherwise known as rants and ramblings.

As a rule of thumb I'm generally too busy to post on Goon's blog, despite his requests to do so. However, I took time out of my busy Sunday night to do a little ranting.

As you have noticed in a previous post, Goon has chosen to moderate the comments on this blog. Let me tell you, that's a major step. Many people don't know this but Goon and I actually became friends after he came to my blog and disliked my spewings about Sioux hockey and fans and he and I sparred for quite a while. Some of the comments got pretty heated but yet, I never crossed that line where Goon felt the need to moderate comments. Since that time, about 3 years ago, I have seen many, many questionable comments on his blog and he's never insisted on moderating the comments...until now.

So, to me this is a big move and speaks to the patheticness of some people on the internet. I would love it if some force of nature made it impossible for people to write stuff on the internet that they would not say to someone's face. I personally live by that rule. Heck, I live by the rule that I will not say anything behind someone's back that I wouldn't say to their face either. It makes for some interesting situations but that's just how I am.

Am I saying everyone has to be like me? No, but I'm saying some can do MAJOR improvements in the area. Just because you're sitting behind some fake screen name does not mean that you can go onto blogs and message boards and spew total crap. Seriously, get a life. Mr. Southern Minnesota....Redwood Falls, more than likely, yes...I am speaking to you. If you have nothing better to do that troll this blog under various screen names and dig up crap on Goon via the internet than you are a PUSSY. Sorry, I know Goon doesn't use that kind of language on his blog but I'm going to. Straight up wuss that probably doesn't have a backbone in real life. Seriously, what is your issue?!?! Whatever it is, you need to get over it. I'm sure you're so entitled living the life in that area of the state that we can't even comprehend your awesomeness. For the record, I'm allowed to rip on that part of the state because I was born and raised there and still have a bunch of family there. I know the mentality of the people, I know how life is, and trust me buddy....there's more to life than what you're thinking.

So, my suggestion would be to crawl out of your hole, get off the computer and get a life. If you don't have any decent comments to post here then stay the hell away.

Now readers, I'm not saying that people can't speak their minds but there needs to be some level of respect. People can disagree (hello! I do it on a regular basis with some of you...even Goon!) but when you have to drag families and things unrelated to this blog into it then that's pathetic and you need a life. Goon keeps this blog strictly about hockey and not his personal life or even bashing other people really. If you are looking for that, you missed the boat because that would have been over at my blog (basically the Tabloid Magazine of college hockey blogs) but I've shut it down, due to lack of time and too much drama. Drama such as the crap this one pathetic poster is trying to create here.

So there....that's about all I have to say on the subject. I would also like to put out the friendly reminder that internet addresses can be tracked and criminally charged if people feel threatened. Just remember...MN law defines assault by the fear of harm and not actually being assaulted. More and more internet crimes are being charged every day in Minnesota and around the country. So tell me...do YOU want to be the dumbass to wind up in the local paper (perhaps the lovely Redwood Gazette) for committing the stupid crime? If so, I can't wait since my mom has a subscription to it and then I can cut out the article and send it to my buddy Goon.

That is all. Grow up.