First Season Award Winner Given Out (Redwing77)

I know what you are thinking. Wait... Shouldn't awards be given out AFTER the season? Well, this one's in the bag. Much like Sidney Crosby winning NHL Network's Most Orgasmic Player award (given to the player that NHL Network Analysts soil their pants with glee over the most in a given season), this one is in the bag.

The Men's Freestyle Diving Competition - Frozen Water Bracket Award, known as the Robbie Earl Award for Excellence, goes out to SCSU's own Garrett Roe. We couldn't reach him or any SCSU officials for comment, but we dramatized what the interview would be like. [DISCLAIMER: The interview you are about to read IS A HOAX. It did not occur, it never was meant to occur. Like the Award, any semblence to an actual quote by anyone cited in this article is purely coincidental]

GW: So, Garrett, what's it like to be the first recipient of the Robbie Earl Award?

GR: Aw man, it's just amazing. WOOP!

GW: Sorry about that. Are you alright? You fell off the chair. I'd best close the door. It is a bit drafty in here.

GR: I'm alright, thanks. Winning this award is like a dream come true. I remember seeing Robbie Earl when he played for Wisconsin. He really skated hard and knew how to make the opposing players think they killed him at the slightest touch.

GW: Don't you think that this sort of thing is well.... unethical? Perhaps even cheap?

GR: Hey, if it was, wouldn't my penalty minutes increase whenever I do it?

GW: Good point. I'll have to have my researchers look into the last time a Diving penalty was called independently from an off-setting penalty.

GR: Wait a minute... Diving is illegal?

GW: I'll have to look into that too. I thought I saw an NCAA Crackdown about that a year or two back... Well, according to Greg Shepherd, those aren't necessary. Diving, like Obstruction, known to us as "clutch and grab hockey," is now a thing of the past. Do you ever see clutch and grab?

GR: Grabbing me? No one has ever prevented me from hitting the ice since I was first learning how to skate! It would prevent me from... uh... well... anyways, I'd like to thank my parents, coaches, SCSU and all the students, and SCSU fans in general for their love and support! I can't imagine what it would be like without them.

GW: Prevent you from what?

GR: This is one of the most cherished awards I've recieved since I won the most valentines in my 4th grade class.

GW: Yeah, well, nice. Well, that's all the time we have today. Thank you so very much for taking time out of your practice to chat with us. We'll look forward to 2012 when you can try out for your country's Olympic Diving team!

GR: Thanks for having me!